To The Boat On The Other Side

Here I am. There you are. Here they are, and there they are. All the forms of where that person may or may not be, depending on the pathological or compulsion within a persons words whether they be truthful or not. But regardless of that simple fact, there is still the question of what comes next.

We have our lives. we have our breath and bodies and mind. We have our emotions and thoughts, we have it all for the time that we are on this earth. There are some who flaunt that, there are some who waste it. But why? Have you ever sat there and just... thought? used your mind to as far as you can go with it and see what you can do? Have you ever run through your mind, the different levels and capabilities, ever tried to see and think farther than you have ever done before? Ever tear apart the dimensions, to create a dimension out of ever individual piece in that dimension, and then repeat with each of those till you have the universe unlocked in your own thought that surpass quantum physics? Have you ever visited these thoughts using the boat of imaginations?

The mind, such a beautiful thing it is. So many wonders, and yet we squander all of its' uses. We have no idea how far the potential of the brain, of our very own world and voice, our own very selves can go. Piece by piece, world by world, door by door, mirror by mirror. What can we do with all that we possess?

And the thought of death. we are constantly fascinated by that story of the other side, the afterlife, heaven and hell, the mirror, the endless taco bell. We think and ponder, and there are those of us that think that we know th answer to it, and they try to live by it. But there is no way to prove it.

Where do we go? Do we actually have spirits? Souls? Where do we travel? Are we passengers to the other side... Where do our memories go? They cannot just die, though I suppose they could die just as a legacy we create dies over time... But where does it all go, once we dry up and waste away...?

Is the life that we are living just the beginning? Our we just in a everlasting (no not everlasting cause we eventually die which may mean) dream where once we die we awaken to the real life which possess that which we never had in a dream? Our we just in some kind of... trace made by others in another world? Have we traveled into another dimension where death is possible, where our home world it is not? Is there nothingness, where we hear nothing see nothing speak nothing feel nothing know nothing and are nothing? Or is there actually a heaven and hell?

What is our life worth if there is a nothingness... that which I fear is th thought of nothingness... after all that we have done and then there is nothing...

We live our lives, we love our friends and family, we make ourselves and others happy... but to not purpose? For why are we here then? Is there more to it then we can see with out own eyes? Why do we live? Do you, my friend, have a reason why you live, knowing that even if you make that other person happy, that when they die and when you die and when everyone that knew you and knew them is dead.. that it meant nothing....?

I myself, live for the love of my friends. I love my friend, and regardless of whether or not I be rewarded by some god or by nothingness, I live to make them happy and to return the love that they show me, whether I deserve it or not. I live for my friends, and I will die for them, if necessary.

The Seed Is Planted

Well, here I am. Again. But for how long this time?

That is my question for today, my friends. Time itself has changed on my , the circumstances are revolving, the situations taking on a new look, the world itself imploding to its' center. But I remain. For time time being.

Allow me to state why I am saying this. Here, I shall speak my mind, knowing few who would read this regardless. And few who would care, either.

I am circling within my mind in a way someone who is to incompetent to spend their time studying their minds, and instead completely focusing on the real world. But to me, my mind is my real world while the one I live in currently is the one that I am forced to live in. For time time being. On the outside, I appear completely different, On the outside, I appear to be a hyper active boy, teenager if you prefer, who lives to make his friends happy and safe, who has some trouble within his life but nothing he cannot handle with a little jab on concentration. A boy who life seems to be hiding all that it possesses, all it secrets, and he seems perfectly fine living in the ignorance. Just a boy who has learned and lives by the way the school and parents taught and raised him.

But I am not that boy. I am made of layers, that go deep within. These layers have always existed since I have been able to think properly, and begin to analyze the world around in critical ways. You may tell me I have not seen much, and I would have to agree, but I have also seen my share. But my argument is, I have heard, and I have understood. And that is enough to know. To imagine.

This is my mind, my game, my world. My inception if you will, for I create my own image, my own rules, my own version of reality and physics. And I get attack from within and from outside. But I still remain here. Because someone, and I am not alone, someone who possesses a half decent mind that does not focus on what it is told to focus on, on things that the person emotionally believes are, and is, important, is a mind that is free and unrestrained.

And so here I am now.

And how much time do I have left before I am discovered to be... me?

donut wheel

today i was woken up rudely by my little brother and was told to get up to go get donuts. now, i do not like to get woken up for almost any reasons. But how can i miss an opportunity to see life anyways?

so there i sat at the donut wheel (we went there instead of dunk'in donuts, bad choice, its more expensive at donut wheel) eating my strawberry filled donut. i looked at the window and the first thing that caught my attention was the other food places. i noticed how closely they were situated to each other, the competitive looks that they each had. i understand how these places need the money an all, but does it always have to be a competition in business? some people would tell me that that is what it is all about (my dad), but i began to think of other way that we could do the same thing but differently.

but how could i begin to explain that we can have the same situation minus the competition? they wouldnt listen to me anyways so thats a moot point.

but life isnt about competition isnt it? or do we just do it to make some kind of fulfillment out of our lives? are we not capable if doing it in some other way? i understand it in primal terms of the master race and being the top of the food chain, but if we are truly the master race, cannot we ever get along? or are we doomed to compete with each other till the end of our days?

i sat there feeling sad at this realization, but knowing i could not do anything about it for now, i quickly got over it. maybe in time......

Feelings.

Have you ever cared about someone enough that you are constantly worried about them? of course you have what am i saying. you think about this person who may or may not be in trouble and is it that sometimes a protective quality takes over?

but consider, why care enough for that though? it creates a weakness in our otherwise hard will core. some would say :"we care because we want to care".

so you want to create a weakness?

but then again saying this would make me sounds cold hearted right? i mean im human am i not so i must have some caring properties to myself. of course i do, but i always consider the other side of the story. why is it that for some dangerous situation that the military will choose the man with no wife and no kids, really no home back where ever they came from, for those missions. because he has nothing to lose right? and if he is caught then they cannot use anyone against him really to gain any information or leverage.

but then again, why do they not go after the man that is married and has kids when they used to have a draft? they believed it may have caused him harm and it would give an enemy a large amount of persuasion over him.

but what about the strong parts in it? when we care and when we love we are able to band together as one strong force to over come almost any obstacles, right? we become better people do we not when we care and love in our lives about other people. we look better in other peoples eyes do we not? but then again there are those people out there that notice and can use that very feeling of caring and love against you.

so in a case like this one, can you not say love (since the love is the base of it all in this case) is a double edged tool? one for healing and one for killing? think about it, think of people who could use or hurt the ones you love to make you do something. or could you stand that persons pain?

The Little Things.

I'm walking down the street not really paying attention to anything but my own thoughts but there are those things that tend to catch my attention regardless. you know the things that they are, a certain color, a shape, some kind of movement, a weak smell that triggers some kind of memory you cannot actually place or truly see. or even when you are talking to someone and you see a cat hair sitting on their shoulder and for some reason all your attention is drawn to it.

but why do we pay attention to these trivial details, although at the time we are focusing at them they do not seem trivial, when there are such bigger things? is it because our brains themselves have registered the actual facts, they know the big ones, and in their own way distract us from these things?

you hear the saying it doesn't matter the size of the box but what is inside of it? twist it so that it fits this situation, where you are distracted by the box and unknowing what the little item will be (at the time you do not think it is little). its only backwards, we are now paying attention to the larger things, and in this case are begin misguided by what something larger can contain. because in all most cases the larger box always contain something smaller. otherwise how would it fit into the box?

in most cases from what i see we are unable to see the bog picture only buts and pieces of it. in time will we achieve the full picture?

Just at this moment i just noticed a crumb on my desk out of all the things on my desk. then i looked up and saw a job application i was supposed to fill out yesterday? why the crumb first? why did my mind distract me from it?